RMS Titanic, when built, was the largest cruise line in the world, unmatched in opulence and luxury. The ship boasted every entertainment imaginable, including a squash court, a swimming pool, a gymn, a Turkish bath and a magnificent library. The furnishing was very stylish, and the dining room walls were fitted with extensive oak wood panelling. The ship was constructed in the Harland & Wolff shipyard in Belfast, and after a much-publicised launch, underwent sea trials as it steamed down to Southampton on the south coast of England. On the 10 April 1912, carrying a total of 2223 passengers and crew, the ship set sail on its maiden trip to New York. Four days later, steaming through a dark and cold Atlantic night, Titanic hit an iceberg and sank two hours and forty minutes later, with the loss of 1517 lives.
How could such a terrible tragedy become the subject of everyday humour? Possibly to blame are the owner's of the ship, the White Star Line. To quote their widely-read publicity brochure produced in 1910 for the sister ships Titanic and Olympic, 'these two wonderful vessels are designed to be unsinkable'. Even during that fateful night in 1912, when the New York office of White Start Line was told that the Titanic was in difficulties, White Star's Vice President, Philip Franklin said 'We place absolute confidence in the Titanic. We believe the boat is unsinkable'.
So a hotch-potch of tragedy, misfortune, and irony give us an excuse to laugh away the capricious and fateful nature of our existence.
Now, down to sorting out the top 10 jokes from the bad (and there certainly are a lot of bad). Note that all the following have been selected by the Editor, thus apologies if your own picks are not included. Counting down in reverse order:
10) What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? 'I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!'
9) What sort of cake do they have for desert on the Titanic? Upside-down cake!
8) Which ship can never get hit by an iceberg? FriendSHIP!!
7) Sign seen in an office - the difference between this place and the Titanic is.... they had a band!
6) What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About halfway!
5) The chief designer of the Titanic had a lisp.
That's unthinkable!
4) On the Titanic the captain calls a meeting of his officers:
'I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'
'The good news', replies an officer.
'We'll get eleven Oscars.'
3) Management consultant to crewmember
Consultant: To confirm, are we short of lifebelts or lifeboats?
Crewmember: Both, Sir.
Consultant. Excellent, we've made savings across the board.
2) Titanic was about to sink.
People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following conversation with the captain.
Passenger: How far is land, from here?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, then why these fools are making noise. I have the experience of swimming even more.
Captain: .....????
Passenger: Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here?
Captain: Downward..
1) Heard when the ship went down...
So this isn't New York?
It's still better than Carnival!
So has the all-night buffet been cancelled?
How big a carry on can I take on the lifeboat?
Do you mind if I hold your baby for a minute?
This is definitely the last time I book a cheap repositioning cruise!
Ah, so this is what they mean by 'cruise to nowhere'.
We can't afford to stop here long. I've got a plane to catch in New York.
Nobody reads my tweets, but if we get one of the celebrities on board to twitter this, it'll hit the news!
Ooh my wife's fallen overboard. Hold the lifeboat. I've got to update my facebook status.
I checked Cruise Schedules, and there was no mention of 'Scenic Glacier Cruise'!
With just one or two of these jokes, you'd be well armed for some light humour after dinner on your cruise ship. But imagine you were one of the passengers on MS Explorer which sank off Antartica in 2007. All 154 passengers and crew spent many hours floating on life rafts on icy seas, before being picked up by MS Nordnorge, a Norwegian cruise ship happily in the vicinity. The shipwrecked passengers and crew kept up their spirits by telling Titanic jokes to one another. So, just in case you were ever to fall into this miserable predicament, it might be wise to remember more than just one or two!
